I Feel Like Crap

Feeling: Exhausted, Guilty, Crappy
Weather: Cool
Listening To: Luna Sea- Crazy About You

I really do. I know that I shouldn’t be, and that things aren’t my fault and are beyond my control, but still.

Shit happened earlier. The night started innocuously enough- waiting for him to get off work so we could have a late dinner, and once he arrived, set out for Kayu Nasi Kandar near my place. I suppose it’s a lapse of judgment on everyone involved’s part- me, Louis and my Mum. First, we were using his car- his Dad‘s car to be exact. Secondly, no one remembered his Kata laptop bag, with his Dell laptop, in the car. And when we returned after food, the rear passenger window was smashed in and the bag had gone ._.

Strangely, I don’t feel any anger for the people who did this, though. I know I’d normally rage and rant about how they should be disemboweled, decapitated, etc. but for some reason, not this time.

I am rather fond of that bag of his, and the laptop has seen me through days of boredom (As well as getting work done on it) whilst working in Gamer’s Hideout at Tropicana City Mall and has kept me company when Louis lent it to me… so yeah, there’s the sense of attachment there. That, and I also know that he needs to use them, especially when his University begins. Sigh.

Well, I suppose that we should be thankful in a way that nothing else was damaged or taken.

That being said, I can’t help but internalise what has happened. Meh. There’s so many “what if” questions, and also, what’s eating me inside is that I also think that since Louis has started dating me, he’s been going through a lot, and a lot of things like this has happened to him. Yes, I can’t help but feel that way, for being some sort of misfortune to him. All I can do for him now is to try and support him as much as I can, and to be strong for him, but admittedly, it’s hard, and it’s not in me to try to be patient and understanding >_> I just want to hug Louis. I just want everything to go well for him. I just want everything to go smoothly for him. I really do love him, and of course, I want the best for him. I want to be there for him through everything, and we will go through all of this together, and I will try my best to help him. After all, tragedies and problems either make or break bonds.

Yes, I do know that shit does happen, but why does it have to? I mean, what’s the point? :| It’s not like we need to be taught a lesson… or maybe we do when it comes to carefulness ._. But Louis still didn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

And for now: Need money T_T

I don’t feel like going to class. I can feel a relapse of depression :x

P.S. I also hate people who take advantage of me, talking to me/asking me stuff only when they need it, but otherwise ignoring me completely. I feel very insulted and used.